by the window

She sat by the window as she rode the bus home from school. This was the only time when Sam felt safe – in this long moving vehicle with her peers and an adult driving, looking out for her safety. She could hear laughter and idle chatter all around her but she was caught just staring into the overcast day, fear clutching her body, freezing it in place. Many cars — normal traffic went by. People were walking dogs on the sidewalk. Kids with backpacks were walking from their bus stop like Sam would be doing soon.

The bus slowed down as it approached a yellow light. It was right next to a parking lot when she saw a bunch of red and blue lights flashing, including a man with his head down on the vehicle. People were surrounding him. Some with guns. Some with protest signs. The man was handcuffed.

As the light turned from red to green, no kid on the bus saw this. The laughter and the conversations continued. Sam was the only one.

She was scared to get off this bus. She feared walking in her neighborhood. Sam feared going to school. She didn’t know what to do. It was all too much.

She told herself to stop looking out the bus window. She couldn’t stand staring anymore. Sam looked away and put her head in her hands, the tears streaming. She tried to hide waterworks. Others shouldn’t see. She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve as the bus came to a stop. It was her stop.

But her whole body felt it was stopping too – her heart, arms and legs. The moment seemed to stand in frozen animation. She couldn’t move, until she forced herself, almost in automatic pilot. She shuffled off the bus with her classmates and crossed the street.

There they were again — the masked men with the guns, at another neighbor’s house. Although her house was down the next street, Sam turned around and started to run up the sidewalk. Despite the weight of her backpack, despite her heavy boots, her legs moved faster, faster yet. She ran until she panted, as if she could outrun the masked men if they came after her.

Stopping, she felt exposed in the wide open streets of the neighborhood, surrounded by houses and yards. There was no hiding here.

She was afraid. She was afraid for her future. Sam was afraid to go home.